Recognizing Resistance and Saying Yes

The Shocking Way Resistance Showed up in my Life

I said yes today.

I know that’s hardly a newsworthy thing to say, but I did. I said yes to a tickle war and to playing chase the monster. I said yes to building train tracks in the living room and playing outside in the snow. I said yes to a wrestling pillow fight and to watching a movie together, uninterrupted. I said yes to crafts at the kitchen counter and board games at the dining room table.

I said yes more times today than I have in the last two weeks combined.

I just finished reading a book called Resisting Happiness. In it, author Matthew Kelly discusses, well, why we resist being happy. To be honest, this book was gifted to me and had sat on my shelf for the last couple of years. When I received it, I remember thinking, “I’m pretty sure no one is actively trying to be unhappy… This seems like an unnecessary book” …And to the shelf-esteem collection, it was added.

See, I LOVE books –books by Christian authors, self-help books, how-to DIY books, books about humanity, quote books, devotionals— I love collecting them, owning them, having them within an arm’s reach… but I couldn’t tell you the last time I actually *read* one… that is, until a couple of months ago.

The cover’s bright yellow color and winking smiley face caught my eye. Resisting Happiness. Hmm… I opened the book, not sure what to expect but the first few sentences hooked me:  

“The alarm clock goes off. It’s time to get out of bed. This is your first decision of the day. Will you get out of bed or hit the snooze button? You press the snooze button and roll over. What just happened? No big deal, right? Wrong. You just lost your first battle of the day. Resistance just kicked your butt. Resistance has broken your will before you’ve ever gotten out of bed…”

Ouch. That hit home for me, so I decided to give it a chance and make it the very first book I would read in… dare I say it—over a YEAR (the former elementary school teacher in me just died a little, by the way). As I thumbed through the pages each night, I quickly realized how much I let resistance control my life. I began paying attention to the subtle tug of it as it popped up throughout my day like little mental emoji red flags.

From getting up before my kids in the morning to making time to write, from drinking enough water to planning dinners for the week, from washing out the coffee pot for the next morning to watering my favorite plant… seriously?! Resistance had its hooks in almost every facet of my life, no matter how small or insignificant it seemed. If it had the potential for good or the potential to make me happy or the potential to set me up for success, resistance was there waiting.

But there was one place in particular where it liked to hang out more than anywhere else: Playing with my kids.

I listened to myself make every excuse. The dishes had to be done. I hadn’t checked my email yet. The grocery list had to be written. The beds had to be made. The living room needed to be picked up. I had to get ready. I hadn’t had my coffee yet. Mama just needed a minute… It was a humiliating and heartbreaking realization. My kids, two of the people I loved more than life itself, were the greatest source of my resistance.

How was that possible?  After finishing the book, it was clear why—but one of the reasons mentioned in passing stuck with me. It’s this idea that, due to original sin, the body and soul are at odds with each other; basically, the body wants comfort and the soul wants true happiness. We default to the body due to our human nature. We are creatures of comfort at our core.

It was uncomfortable for me to play with my kids. I like being busy. I like checking off boxes on my to-do list. I like tasks that I can complete on autopilot—making breakfast, the dishes, the laundry… I can do it all with very little thought. But getting on the floor and playing with my kids? That takes intentionality. That takes presence—something I struggle with immensely due to anxiety. And being the perfectionist I am, I avoid things I know I’m not good at, at all costs. It’s probably glaringly obvious to you that resistance would have me hook, line and sinker, but I had no idea.  As Kelly says, “The hardest war to win is one you don’t even realize you’re fighting, and the hardest enemy to defeat is the one you don’t even know exists.”

And so, I didn’t even put up a fight— until now.

Oddly enough, the only thing resistance didn’t have any control over was my workout routine… Weird, right? It’s counterintuitive since working out seems to be the number one thing people actively resist. But there’s a keyword in there: routine. I’ve been in a solid workout routine for the last three years and as the author alludes, if resistance is the poison, routine is the anecdote.

With the new year upon us, I’ve made the conscious decision not to set a resolution per se, but to continue spotting resistance in my own life. It turns out those little red flags can be used as a guide for greatness—because on the other side of resistance, you will always find joy. Maybe not at first, but with a little patience and discipline, you will. So, I will continue saying yes to my kids. To being present. To being intentional. To being the mom my soul wants me to be.

Where do you experience the most resistance in your life? Send me a message, I’d love to talk!

If you’re interested in Resisting Happiness by Matthew Kelly, you can purchase it here. Please note that it is written from a Catholic perspective, but I found that it translates well to Christianity in general.